No Glory Blog: Let's Go 2014 Texas Rangers!

First Ballgame
I went to the game last night and was reminded of why I seem to go to less and less every year. It was some kind of college promotion, I think, or maybe it was the Bobbleheads but every single stupid Pitt student was there. They were there solely to drink beer and verbally abuse strangers. They were incapable of talking to the people sitting right next to them and would instead talk out to the open air, hoping someone would turn around and nod at them .They were all experts on baseball, parroting whatever amazing insight they had heard on the football talk radio show, or coming up with their own fascinating conclusions:

- "Did you see that one guy who got caught on steroids? I looked him up and he only had four homers. What is he on steroids for? Because he doesn't even hit home runs except for four of them. And people take steroids to hit home runs. And they don't even work for him. And he got caught. Taking steroids. But he didn't hit home runs."
-or-
- "Some guy hit a home run and he is the only guy I never heard of. Can you believe that? Some guy I never heard of and he hits a home run. Don't pitch to him. He is going to hit a home run. He hit a home run last time. So he is going to hit a home run this time."

But more often they would lend their incredible wit to commentary on the social situation itself, loudly complaining about how long the game was, how many beers they were going to drink, or suggesting that passing women take off their shirts to show them their breasts. There was also plenty of chest-thumping to go around.

- "You know what is bullsh*t? That you can't smoke here. But I don't care. I do what I want. This one time I was smoking a cigar and this guy was just going nuts on me. He was like 50 years old. I would have beat the hell out of him. I would have f*ing pounded him but he looked like he was some kind of psycho with a gun or something. If he didn't have a gun I would have beat the crap out of him, totally."

And then there is the phenomenon that totally boggles my mind. Calling someone else at the ballpark just to see if you can see each other.

- "I'm at the game. Yeah, I'm at the game. I'm on my cellphone. Yeah, on my phone. At the game. Do you see me? I'm standing up in front of these people with my cellphone. Yeah, do you see me? I'm at the game. On my cellphone. Where are you? Are you on your cellphone? Are you at the game? I am too. I am on my cellphone. I'm at the game. Standing up. On my phone. OK I have another call. Hello? Where are you? I'm at the game too. On my cellphone..."

I imagine these people announcing what they are doing at all times in all places. "Yeah, I'm taking a shower. Yeah, showering. On my phone..."

First Results

For some reason, the first week's results always seem to resonate and set the tone for the season. So how annoying is this?

Forster_________W___L___ERA___RS_
 Highway Kind   3   3   3.44  3.5  
 TriBonds       3   3   5.07  2.8  
 Burninators    3   3   2.78  4.7  
 Wookies        3   3   4.17  4.0

I know it is just one week, but come on! Carl's the only team that should have been 3-3.

And if you think that is annoying, how about being in the visitors' dugout and having to listen to the entirety of this every time one of Lou's guys hits a home run.

The best moment of Opening Day was this:
Gas House Gang's Schmidt,Ja; King,Ra no-hit Soko Atarijin.

Especially after reading this funny trade request from new Atarijin GM Hawk Harrelson, which must have annoyed Scoresheet's Luck Balancers.

"Team 3 (Randy Hall) wants to trade one of his high OBP guys. Give mesomeone who knows what to do once they're on base!"