Saturday, April 16, 2005
MENDOZA LINE
As of this writing, 8 of my starters are at the Mendoza Line and another 3 are below .250. Although box score watching was once one of my "happy moments," they are rapidly becoming "homicidal moments." Feel free to mix in a base hit!
Since he is not on the trading block, Oliver Perez asked me to tell all of you a shocking truth. "I would like to apologize to the entire Woofer organization for my recent pitching performances. After a heart-to-heart with team psychologist 'Mario Antonucci', I have come to realize that serving up home runs to Neifi Perez and Jeff Cirillo by tax day is, in fact, stupefyingly awful. My only excuse stems from the utterly unfathomable scenario itself. I mean Cirillo...he is that guy that hit a Mike Lansing-like amount of doubles when I was in junior high school and then tried the controversial 'Charlie Lau no-bat' technique. And Neifi...funny looking guy who homers as often as I put on weight. How could these two homer off of me? Although Mario could not pinpoint the exact cause of my suckitude despite research into the 'belt-high fastball theory,' his 'treatments' should definitely cure me from any more setbacks to Mark Grudzielanek during my next start.
As of this writing, 8 of my starters are at the Mendoza Line and another 3 are below .250. Although box score watching was once one of my "happy moments," they are rapidly becoming "homicidal moments." Feel free to mix in a base hit!
Since he is not on the trading block, Oliver Perez asked me to tell all of you a shocking truth. "I would like to apologize to the entire Woofer organization for my recent pitching performances. After a heart-to-heart with team psychologist 'Mario Antonucci', I have come to realize that serving up home runs to Neifi Perez and Jeff Cirillo by tax day is, in fact, stupefyingly awful. My only excuse stems from the utterly unfathomable scenario itself. I mean Cirillo...he is that guy that hit a Mike Lansing-like amount of doubles when I was in junior high school and then tried the controversial 'Charlie Lau no-bat' technique. And Neifi...funny looking guy who homers as often as I put on weight. How could these two homer off of me? Although Mario could not pinpoint the exact cause of my suckitude despite research into the 'belt-high fastball theory,' his 'treatments' should definitely cure me from any more setbacks to Mark Grudzielanek during my next start.
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