Monday, June 20, 2005
Joe Morgan + Smart Ball = Head Explosions
I watched the entire Dodgeridoo-Shite Sox game on ESPN Sunday Night last night and I thought Joe Morgan was going to send me into a schitzoid murder spree. If I hadn't been trying to finish a painting and didn't have work in the morning, I would have tried to turn that negative into a positive by creating the Joe Morgan Drinking Game (Shite Sox edition):
The next time the Shite Sox are on the Game of the Week, please enjoy this drinking game.
Take a drink whenever Joe Morgan:
I watched the entire Dodgeridoo-Shite Sox game on ESPN Sunday Night last night and I thought Joe Morgan was going to send me into a schitzoid murder spree. If I hadn't been trying to finish a painting and didn't have work in the morning, I would have tried to turn that negative into a positive by creating the Joe Morgan Drinking Game (Shite Sox edition):
The next time the Shite Sox are on the Game of the Week, please enjoy this drinking game.
Take a drink whenever Joe Morgan:
- says "Smart Ball"
- says the reason the Shite Sox are winning this year as opposed to last year is because of the offense
- says Scott Podsednik is a good baseball player
- attributes a throwing error on the opposing pitcher to Scott Podsednik
- attributes a bad call by the umpire to Scott Podsednik
- says "Ozzie Guillen"
- says Ozzie Guillen was a great baseball player
- says Ozzie Guillen is a smart manager
- when opposing team steals, sacrifices, etc. attributes that to the Shite Sox's influence
- rips on "on base percentage" or "walks"
- forgets that he himself walked almost 2000 times and has a career .392 obp and only 51 sacrifice hits in 22 years
- applauds a sacrifice bunt
- applauds a stolen base attempt
- says the Shite Sox can score in "more than one way"
- takes swipe at teams that "wait for the 3-run homer"
- ignores when sacrifice bunt fails
- ignores when Shite Sox run out of outs in an inning after sacrificing
- ignores when Shite Sox are caught stealing/caught on basepaths
- compares opponent unfairly to Shite Sox, ie when Olmaedo "One Leg" Saenz doesn't score from first on a double, saying no Shite Sox player (including presumably Paul Konerko and Frank Thomas) would have not scored
- ignores all primary evidence in front of him to make point concurrent with opening statement, ie if Podsednik gets on via error, then steals second and third, then scores on a home run, saying that Podsednik's speed caused that run for the Shite Sox
- somehow mentions "Billy Beane, author of Moneyball" when the A's are not even in the game (chug)
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