Saturday, January 14, 2006
INGLORIOUS 2006 – JANUARY
With the addition of new owners, No Guts, No Glory promises to see renewed life. As such, I have decided to bring back the long-lost Inglorious. I can only hope to surpass the incoherent ramblings of prior author (and poor judge of talent) Michael Cuccaro. At no point in his ramblings did he come close to an intelligent thought. I award him no points (and Dante Bichette) and may God have mercy on his soul.
The Scoresheet player lists are due out any day now. This annual holiday promises to far exceed Boxing Day as a day of celebration. Whose centerfielder’s defense will plummet to 2.06? What nondescript 3B will post a random 2.79? These occasionally inexplicable numbers will bring the first groans and cheers of the year. They also set everyone’s roster and provide for a week of interesting trading scenarios. So how do our NL teams stand at this marginally critical time. Let’s see.
The New York Yankees. A decade of unrivaled success. A blowhard owner. They have it all. They are also unlikely to fade until their magical fountain that bestows seasons like 2005 Roger Clemens or 1996 Ellis Burks or 1998 Greg Vaughn in the nick of time to cover devastating injuries or surging opponents is destroyed.
STRENGTHS: Outstanding pitching; solid offense; best in-season management ( by far); great team defense
WEAKNESSES: Inexplicable fascination for random players like Bruce Chen and 2005 Sammy Sosa; lack of an offensive superstar for 1st time due to…; injury and age-related risk for offensive players.
OUTLOOK: The clear favorite in the Kruk. His age-related difficulties were helped nicely last year with pickups of cough Prince Fielder and Rickie Weeks. So Abubu declined a little and Beltran’s power disappeared and Rolen had a major injury and Edmonds missed some time. He still won it all. Believe it or not, those players have an upside. Possibly losing Clemens will hurt; however, Pedro, Sheets, and Webb are a monstrous trio.
The Red Sox. Have become the main rival of the Homers. Have a trophy but often fall short of expectations. I do not particularly desire to talk about my team as I will inevitably give up some secrets or sound cocky or falsely humble. I do not have Mike’s complete lack of scruples. At any rate, Alan Benes would likely be #29 on this team, a situation that leads to smiles and hair-pulling.
STRENGTHS: Although sure to provoke jeers, I like to think “I am a pretty good judge of talent”; strong, deep rotation; Top 3 players at almost every position; youth with upside; strong, deep starting rotation
WEAKNESSES: Very lackadaisical in-season management; I do not have Bruce Chen so I cannot offer Mike a “trade” to allow us to hold the 20 or so players I wish to keep.
OUTLOOK: A favorite to win the division. Even if I can only hold 15 players, they will be very good players with plenty of upside. A number of trade offers in the works could result in minor upgrades and or draft picks. 6 of 8 starters are 28-30 yrs old and the other 2 are David Wright and 1 of 2 young shortstops with the most power in the NL. Everything is aligned this year and I am under pressure not to blow it.
The LA Dodgers. Strong and relevant a long time ago… I love my cousin Randy. He truly believes in the self-worth of people. To him, anyone can realize his/her vast potential as a human being. Unfortunately, this leads to disasters such as Hiram Bocachica being on your rookie roster long after his chances of a big-league job are less likely than my uncle and I switching political affiliations. On second thought, maybe the Atarijin are more like the Cleveland Indians. “This guy’s dead!” “Then take him off the list…”
STRENGTHS: Firepower for ¾ of the infield; Plenty of holds available for trading for young guns; Intestinal fortitude to deal with Vinny Castilla year-after-year
WEAKNESSES: I am generally a gruff but kind-hearted individual; unfortunately, I cannot be kind here. The most popular massage liquid for the team is embalming fluid. The career years of the starting rotation would be marginally passable for a scoresheet team. Vinny Castilla and Christian Guzman are even worse in Scoresheet than in the ML.
OUTLOOK: Not so good short-term. Upside of .500 is not all that far-fetched, but the team is aging and will not get better. For this reason, I thin Randy should completely rebuild, painful as it is. I would be quite cranky with the scenario but Helton for Fielder, Webb, and Steven Drew would be a good start. The Woofers also have young talent but no great fit with Derek Lee manning 1st. Banishing Guzman and Castilla to 7th hell would improve the team immediately. More research for the rookie draft will help. One can only hope he will hold Matt Bush and Mark Rogers as rookies. A criminal and a guy I never heard of.
The SD Padres. Always have some intriguing talent but can’t seem to take the leap. I have a beef with Ken stemming from the fact that he traded me A-Rod in the AL. I hate A-Rod, I hate the Yankees, and it made me hate my team. Combine this with his status as a division rival and you are creating a volatile mix that could lead to venom spewing from my pen (keyboard). But I won’t do that…Ken seems like good people.
STRENGTHS: In my opinion, Pujols and Jason Bay provide the best 1-2 combo in the league, hands-down. Solid everywhere…offense, defese, farm system
WEAKNESSES: Solid, but not spectacular in any way outside of Pujols and Bay; Team consists of tremendous amount of players whose performances can have huge fluctuations.
OUTLOOK: When I say the rest of Ken’s team is solid, I am describing it as a whole. His core of Smoltz, Wood, Schmidt, Odalis Perez, Wilson, Griffey, and Kearns will provide stiff competition for the Woofers if everything breaks rate. These players can all contend for CY/MVP or 2007 Comeback Player of the Year after injuries or off-years. Ken has a tremendous amount of directions that he can take this team. Keeping it intact or making a number of trades can both be the correct decision. Looks like a tough but fun GM job for 2006 for Smith.
The Minnesota Twins. Consistently fantastic young talent often gets lost in a tangled jumble. The original “rookie GM” has proven much more capable than I first thought. Please reference “Benes. Alan. 19. Number.” on Mike’s website for a refresher. Speaking of which, Carl has the best team logo and team webpage in my humble opinion. A fully appropriate logo for a team with Corey Patterson.
STRENGTHS: Bonds. Berkman. Prior. Ensberg??!! Where did that come from? It pains me to admit it, but I believe that Carl is the best drafter in the league. Carl snatches young superstuds like Rickey snatches flyballs. Rickey thinks Rickey is a great judge of talent. Rickey takes no responsibility for Alan Benes since Rickey had a migraine at the time.
WEAKNESSES: Lack of pitching depth; some infield weaknesses; Occasional overemphasis on youth?
OUTLOOK: Barry Bonds. The fate of the Kings is completely tied to Barry. With Barry (and Prior, Berkman etc.), Carl can make a run at the Homers if everything breaks right. On the other hand, he needs a lot of breaks including Barry’s health and some unexpected performances i.e. John Patterson x3. On the other hand, Carl could trade Bonds; however, it will be extremely difficult to get good value. Since we have grown so attached to our teams for so long, we all correctly value young talent. (Ken will be in his 50’s when Pujols hangs it up – more on this later) This allows for some nice pickups for above average 30’s stars such as say Chipper Jones. On the other hand, no player, Pujols included, matches Barry’s healthy production. Yet Bonds is likely to play only 2 more years. Will Carl be able to go toe-to-toe with the Homers in this timeframe? I do not know…but if not, Carl will get no value for Bonds. So should he trade at a “discount?” Dunno…tough call for the ex-“rookie GM.”
The Florida Marlins. Every Marlin has also played for this team and they are both in a state of flux…ownershipwise, playerwise etc. The team also is very up-and-down, winning championships or drowning in a flooded basement. As these owners are new to the league, I have no (un)interesting stories about them. However, I did date a Katie Dye for a couple of months once. As a once-in-a-lifetime glimpse at my interpersonal affairs, I can tell you that the relationship started with a whirlwind and ended cordially as we went in different directions. Hopefully, this will be the case here…not an affair with Katie but rather a cordial relationship that results in me going to the top as my arch-nemesis division rival plummets. Unfortunately, I am ambivalent. Is this team still an “arch-rival?” How can I not despise the Crooked K franchise though? I am completely torn.
STRENGTHS: A lot of very good players with upside. Extreme flexibility to access multiple leagues for trade options. GM skills are a complete mystery still but trading me Adam Dunn for Moises Alou would prove this team has a savvy GM duo. Alou hit over .300!!
WEAKNESSES: Time. Losing Beckett and Burnett is an unacceptable option unless they work something out with their AL counterpart; however, Delgado’s value does not equal B&B no matter how well he hits. Astronomers were recently puzzled by a black hole with exceptional gravitational pull until the realized it was just this team’s second basemen
OUTLOOK: I am quite jealous of these new owners as they have an opportunity to mold a team in their image. Although we will never have finished products, K & T can work with a much cleaner slate. They have a number of parts to build on or trade and I look forward to seeing what they accomplish.
The Devil Rays. This team has had more overall success and has competed for division titles before; however, Jeff’s ability to pluck incredible player performances out of the blue is not enough. Young guns are one thing but fleshing out your roster with solid talent is necessary to compete on a higher level.
I have a special story set aside for Jeff. He is a great guy who does an outstanding job of setting us up for on-line drafts. I do not know him all that well as I have never met him, but he is always cordial whereas I can get cranky and Mike speaks quite highly of his personal character. Unfortunately, I will never be able to forgive Jeff for the malicious hatchet job he once performed on me. As most of us know, Jeff occasionally weighs his options very heavily in the 17th round of the draft. One year, the extra time that he took resulted in our draft exceeding all league records for draft length as we finished in the wee hours of the morning. As I was living on the east coast, I was exhausted and postponed completing a trade with Ken Smith. Unfortunately, the deal was never consummated.
In this particular year, I had really grown enamored with a minor league player who had never played in the majors. As I have conceitedly mentioned, I am often a very good judge of young talent. In particular, I like players who accomplish things no other minor leaguer has. In this case, I focused in on ALBERT PUJOLS. In fact, Ken Smith agreed to trade me:
Albert Pujols for Derek Lee (who despite his career year is in NO way, shape, or form, Pujols). The hang-up to the deal is that to make it fair, Ken was going to give me ANOTHER PLAYER. Had we finished earlier, I could have worked out the extra player and gone on a merry 20-year adventure with Albert Pujols. Now I will not be able to do so. So despite having no personal beef with the likes of Zambrano or Cabrera, I can honestly say that if these players were to suddenly be vaporized by baseball-hating martians, I would chuckle heartily.
STRENGTHS: Uh Cabrera, Zambrano, and Oswalt are a pretty good start. Jeff can pick hidden youngsters well with his vast pre-draft research.
WEAKNESSES: No depth after his frontline talent; weak outfield; If he kept his interest year-round as he does come draft-time, Jeff could become a force in the league.
OUTLOOK: As Led Zeppelin said, “The Song Remains the same.” Jeff can find young talent. If he focuses more on fleshing out his team, he can compete (as an underdog) this year. If he does this for a couple of years, he can compete on an equal footing with the Homers, who will have a number of players exiting their primes. I would love to see Jeff give it his all so that he can build on his strengths as a GM. He may also be missing opportunities by not initiating or responding to trade offers.
Colorado Rockies. Both teams have tried everything obtaining numerous players that just do not seem to get the job done. Both teams seem to be star-crossed. Year after year, Matt will draft 10 young pitchers and they will all pitch like the Bad News Bears’ Single A farm team. Then Matt will not hold them and they will go all John Patterson or Jake Peavy on the league. Luck = bad.
STRENGTHS: Matt’s infertile soil may be changing as blossoming young players like Myers, Howard, and Utley may fully bloom in 2006. 1st picks in the draft!!
WEAKNESSES: Middle infield; Outfield; pitching depth; No need to harp – these are bad enough situations. Gives up on young talent too soon.
OUTLOOK: Matt must realize that he is a couple of years away from competing for the division and plan his roster accordingly. Trading his young talent is fine but he needs to receive the appropriate talent in return. Matt is a Jekyll/Hyde GM. His AL decisions have been great, but his NL decisions have been tremendously costly. In the past couple of years, he has possessed Patterson, Peavy, Fielder, Weeks, Adam Dunn! Jason Bay! and others. (I may be wrong on a player or two) With these players, his team would have been fearsome as early as this year. His number one goal needs to be obtaining more young talent this year and not releasing it. If a rookie pitcher has a 4.40 ERA but a good K/BB ratio, keep him another year…he may bust out. Using similar analysis with his young hitters will allow Matt to advance in the standings in the coming years.
Using Microsoft Word has given me painful memories of past “gainful” employment. I hope my sacrifice will be well-received.
I may do an Inglorious for the AL; however, I completely embarrassed to bring up my wretched disgrace of an AL team chock full of hated Yankees and the scrubbiest players in the league.
If you have any amusing anecdotes for future issues, please send them along as I hope to pound out future editions all year.
So long for now.
